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Latest News

06 Jun

I haven’t written much on my blog in quite some time (and the news I have to share today is not really all that great).

Much has happened in the last few months. I turned fifty-four (54) on March 12th; Mom passed away the day after. I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt since her passing, feeling as though I really did not do nearly enough for her since Dad passed on February 15, 2005. Anyone following my life can see that I’ve been preoccupied with trying to find my happinesss since my late teens. I moved to Dallas, TX in December of 1984 because it was a larger city and I thought I might be able to lose myself and find the “man of my dreams” here. (I didn’t; I’ve always had shitty taste in men and every relationship I’ve ever been involved in has been… well, they’ve progressed from crappy to abhorrent over the years.)

I feel like a failure. I feel as though I’d have been much better off if I’d spent more time focused on making memories with my own family rather than “looking for happiness outside of that core group.”

And now both of my parents are gone; so too are my grandparents. Left are the brother I grew up with (Wayne) whom I love dearly and another brother (Jimmy). The sister I once had has passed on from liver disease (we did not even know she’d been given six months to live — and she made it four) and now I’m finding out that her oldest daughter is pregnant and due in December.

Oh, and I lost my job about 2-1/2 weeks after Mom passed away. Yeah, it’s been a pretty shitty few months and I’m depressed as hell, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

The depression has been severe enough at times that I’ve been suicidal … but I’m here.

What the future holds, however, is anybody’s guess. I suppose it goes without saying (it’s obvious to anyone listening to the news today) that our world is falling apart here in the U.S. We’ve nothing but a bunch of politicians who are self-serving, greedy assholes posturing and acting as if they’re the best thing since sliced bread. We’ve a douche bag sitting in the White House who is an embarrassment to anyone with half a brain.

I’m just not certain there is hope for this nation any longer …and the world I see around me is not the world I ever wanted to become a part of.

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Who Am I?

05 Jul

I’m a man, a white man (not that it matters) with Cherokee indigenous blood running through my veins; not a lot, but “enough.” I’m also gay, meaning I’m a man who, if I’m going to date and sleep with someone— that someone will be another man. I’m a cancer survivor and I’ve lived with HIV for (knowingly) 15+ years; I’ve seen my weight fluctuate in both directions (presently headed in the right direction as I work to get back down to my goal weight). I’m “registered as” a Democrat but I’m one of the most conservative gay men living in our community today — and I’m not ashamed to be so. (I’ve every intention of voting for Donald Trump; not because I believe he’s perfect but because I think he’s the only one running that I can trust to get us back on track to realizing the potential that our country does have. Hilary Clinton is simply a crook, for sale to the highest bidder. Bernie Sanders, bless his heart, is a wonderful man but he’s a socialist; that isn’t what our country is all about. Better you people wake the hell up and realize that now, BEFORE we end up with some of the highest tax rates in the civilized world.) I believe in a hard day’s work for a hard day’s dollar; I don’t believe in handouts but I’m not averse to giving another person a hand UP. I believe every person, be they man, woman, black or white, red or brown, able-bodied or physically challenged should have equal access to the same OPPORTUNITIES that are offered to their peers, BUT that only means they’ve the opportunity to “PUT IN THE EFFORT TO ACHIEVE WHAT THEIR PEERS HAVE, THROUGH THEIR OWN HARD WORK.” I do NOT believe in giving a person a reward “just for showing up.” If he or she excels at what they do then yes, he or she should be rewarded in commensurate fashion — but to be given a trophy just for walking in the door? No! Excellence deserves to be rewarded; mediocrity does not. I’m proud of the principles upon which this country (United States of Amerce) was founded; I’m not entirely happy with some legs of the journey our country has traversed …. But we are learning, ever improving (or should be) and can still make this country as great as the dreams of which our forefathers did have in mind when the fight for our independence was made. The Republican (GOP) party is not perfect but I’m quickly realizing that I’ve more in common with the Republicans than I do with my own party members. Democrats LOVE to play the “victim” card; the Democratic party is ALL ABOUT building walls (which is hilarious when you stop and consider how much they’ve railed against Trump’s comment about building a wall between Mexico and the U.S.) Yes, there’s no group of persons existing today that gets more of a “money shot” out of creating divisions between one group of person and another —- than the Democrats. Victimhood is their modus operandi; trying to bully those with whom they disagree IS a common tool in their little bag of wares. [Most] Democrats I have known spend more time being ashamed of our country and its past than they seem capable of being proud of all of our [collective] accomplishments. They make excuses and offer apologies for shit they/we had NO PART in rather than simply saying, “Well, that’s something we need to work on” (and getting to work). Honestly, I believe patriotism is an alien concept to your average Democrat who buys into the liberal narrative that pervades far too much of our lives here in the USA today. Patriotism is NOT unfamiliar to [most] Republicans; if anything, most members of the GOP are so overly patriotic that they’re incapable of even “considering” an apology for the irresponsible and unfair actions of some of our forefathers. Members of the GOP have been charged with prejudice and racism in the past; closed-mindedness is a trait that prevails within BOTH parties but is more often than not assigned to the conservative party. It’s true that, seemingly, liberals and Democrats were quicker to recognize how unfair it is to judge a man or woman because of his or her sexual orientation. (Conservatives are more likely to butt heads on this issue based on their upbringing and indoctrinations from the pulpit/church. But I’m proud to acknowledge those conservatives who HAVE “grown” and do, today, accept me for the man that I always have been. In point of fact, I wish that I could say the same for my LGBT peers (who have YET TO ACKNOWLEDGE that we’ve MANY allies within the conservative party who, in spite of their religious beliefs, have accepted us for the people that we are). It’s true that there are still assholes within the Republican party who cannot see past the biases they have developed from years of faith-based indoctrination and redneck attitudes in the home but hey, that’s life. You have people who’ve grown over the years and you have those who walk in place, never evolving and ever-judging —- and they exist on BOTH SIDES, in BOTH parties, the Republicans and the Democrats alike! But personally speaking, I’ve had better luck holding dialogues with Republicans than I’ve had with those in my own party, in my own [LGBT] community. That’s saying a hell of a lot for a group of people who would have you “believe” they are better than most. (They’re not; if anything, liberals are MORE judgmental and more divisive than any other group of people walking the earth today. That HAS been my experience; especially in recent years as we have made some headway on the front of equal rights. (A fight, I might add, that I’ve fought for the better part of thirty-two years… only to now discover that “some” within our community REALLY DO want “special” rights (as opposed to equal rights). What a shameful fucking turn of events THAT realization has been!

Having made that last comment I want to close with this. I do NOT believe in “compensation” for past wrongs; I believe in making course corrections and addressing the inequalities that may exist at any given point in time. I do NOT believe in affirmative action, REGARDLESS of the situation. If you cannot excel [presently] then you do not deserve to be rewarded. Keep working at it if you want the prize but don’t expect me to lower the bar to compensate for whatever injustices may have existed in the past. (That kind of shit simply means that SOMEBODY ELSE is now going to be discriminated against or treated unfairly —- and two wrongs do not a right make, folks.)

Get off your ass and work for what you want to get out of life. That’s my mantra; it should be yours.

In truth and honoring all human-kind (worth honoring)…
Michael

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

24 Dec

Christmas-Card_MRM

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Charlie vs. Swayze

15 Oct

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Not What I’d Intended To Write About Today..

17 Jan

We walk the paths forged of choices we’ve made over the course of our lives, in an effort to grow and evolve, to feel and to love, to imagine and be consumed with bewilderment.

This is what I believe.

Our actions either rise from a source of love and light, or they are rooted in hate and the absence of love. Mine are a mixture of both, as are (I suspect) the thoughts and actions of many of us. The exception being those who are aptly described as Wisdom-seekers and more importantly, selfless.

Many make excuses for their trials and their contributions to the strife in the world around them. It’s so much easier to place the responsibility on someone else; our leaders, a neighbor we may not like, exes, etc. Doing so means not having to own the responsibility and thus, having to put the effort into learning from the experience or figure out a way to make our existence more harmonious. Blaming another being means we can claim “they” have to be the one to change and not ourselves — but in so doing we make it that much more difficult for the change to take place.

Rewind…

It’s entirely plausible to say many of us feel as though we’re living and experiencing one of the more trying periods in human history, that no matter what we do individually things are “so bad” the overall effect on the world around us (by our own changes in behavior) would be minimal. Saying that is entirely understandable if your goal is to “give up” and embrace the defeatist and/or victim attitude.

That attitude has NEVER served anyone well; today or in times past.

My “go to” example here is something that happened to me about eight years ago but honestly, even though this is my blog and it seems reasonable (to other bloggers) to write always about ourselves, doing so only validates the opinions of others that bloggers are narcissistic. Okay, I personally think we’re all a little narcissistic but that’s neither here nor there. LOL

At any rate, I’m going to forego my own personal “go to.”

Rather instead I’m simply asking each of you reading to think about one thing that’s happened during your life, that you didn’t think you could get beyond — but DID!

Every one of us has a story and if you’ve lived in this world long enough, chapters of your own story (to varying degrees) are no doubt darker than others. You didn’t know just how you were going to get through the situation at the time; beyond that feeling of hopelessness and desperation but ‘somehow’ you did just that — the unthinkable. You survived and eventually made your way through to the other side.

Never give up. You may feel defeated at times but don’t let the emotion overtake you to the point you stop moving forward. Our situations only change if we continue to keep the momentum (even if only slightly) — and then…

Change is inevitable.

Namaste,
Michael

“Creator and spirit within all of us, thank you for the life I’ve been given; the friends and family who surround me and for the four elements that nourish and help to (dauntingly, I might add) purify the embodiment of my soul. This life hasn’t exactly been the one I envisioned as a young man but every trial and mistake that was made along the way has helped to make me the man that I am. Those ordeals which seemed the harshest over time brought me to my knees in such a way that, where once I may not have been “so inspired” today have brought me closer to the love that resides in us all. I’m by no means perfect (far from it), nor have I achieved the level of enlightenment this life was meant to afford an opportunity to attain — but with Your blessing and Your help, perhaps the goals set forth for me by the Spirit that connects us all will be illuminated and recognized. A’ho

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McDeath, Is it on Your menu?

22 Mar

I know what you’re thinking… Here’s another one of those rants about the fast food ventures of America. An attack on food venues most of us eat at and nobody wants to recognize as a problem. After all, who of us really needs to read about this because, well, everybody eats at [insert your fast-food venue of choice here] so surely the food can’t be “that bad” for us. Right?” Wrong!

First off, I don’t consider this a rant but rather an expression of my concern about the direction in which we as consumers have allowed (and continue to encourage) big business to take us in.

Click here to watch the full length documentary "Super Size Me" Will you change your eating habits? Will you run in the other direction when you see a fast food venue? I’m sorry but calling these places “restaurants” even is a bit of a stretch for me. The truth is few people ARE willing to consider modifying their eating habits without first repeatedly hearing about (and still, they must often-times experience it firsthand) just how unhealthy and damaging these products really are.

They (fast food chains) are certainly no strangers to the diet of the average American. We’re all familiar with McDonalds, Jack In The Box, Wendy’s, Chick Fil A, In-N-Out Burger — and so very many more.

A question for you: “Are you supporting the profit-driven agenda (of fast food chains) to fatten customers everywhere willingly(?) — or are you simply familiar with these death traps because you know they should be avoided at any cost and every opportunity?

Don’t misunderstand; I’ve consumed more than my fair share of fatty foods at these joints over the years. I still have the occasional meal (usually at Whataburger or Braum’s) when a craving hits or I don’t feel like taking the time to prepare something healthy. Neither reason of which is a good excuse, by the way.

I’ve grown from 168 pounds (in late 2006) to 268+ pounds (as of today). That is a weight gain of one-hundred pounds in under eight years. It’s neither healthy nor is it attractive but my motivation for losing the weight [today] is more about health then it is about looks.

I’m an old fart; what can I say?
Your priorities change as you grow older!
*laughs*

Today my hope is that those reading will reconsider what they put into their [your] own bodies. I’m hoping you might avoid the mistake(s) I’ve made regarding my own diet and level of exercise (and yes, exercise is important as well – but today’s [blog] entry is more about making a change in your diet).

As you can clearly see from the video, “A McDonald’s diet is clearly UNHEALTHY for you!” I can’t imagine any of the other fast food venues even, have taken a real interest in providing you with healthy alternatives for eating (with the [obvious] EXCEPTION of Subway‘s) either.

Watch the video; judge for yourself whether it’s important enough of an issue for you to make the change. I’m not trying to get people to go “vegan” (I enjoy meat and dairy too much).

No, I’m hoping some of you will start making the necessary changes in your diet (which when enough of us do so, will force an atmosphere of change upon the fast food companies that have such an embarrassingly disproportionate influence over our lives today) simply so that you will begin to feel and look more healthy.

There’s an old adage that goes, “You are what you eat.” It was true back in the days when I was growing up; it’s true today and it will remain the case in the years to come.

So you have a choice: “Do you want to continue trudging your way to an early grave because of a diet that is anything but healthy, or will you make the effort to change and start the process of evolving into a much healthier person in the days and years to come?”

By the way, if you have a subscription to HuluPlus then you can watch the entire movie here (without having to view the smaller segments on YouTube’s website).

Namaste,
Michael

An entry on cracked.com seemingly disputes the results of the “study” in the documentary, “Super Size Me.” While I might have [some] doubts as to whether the documentary was compiled with “nary a bit of bias” I’m still more inclined to agree with much of what is claimed therein. And to be completely honest whereas the article on cracked.com is concerned, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover McDonald’s paid somebody off to refute the documentary. The bottom line is “crap food in, crap results out…” and McDonald’s is crap food, just as is every other fast food venue out there in the world with perhaps the exception of Subway’s.

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Ryan Robertson: Beautiful Baby Boy

04 Jan

I’m sharing this for all of the parents out there reading. Perhaps more so if you are the parent of a child who identifies as LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered) and especially for those parents who might be thinking God would wash His hands of a child for not identifying as anything other than straight.

Watch – Listen – Hear (the message of a faithful family whose oldest son came out to them at the age of twelve).

While “your own” journey may not be taking the same path as that of a gay/lesbian child of God, this doesn’t mean the LGBTQ person’s journey is any less genuine or real.

As you watch the video (and I hope you will), I’m asking you to think about the pressure a young man or woman growing up with a “different” sexual orientation is made to endure, be that pressure originating from his or her peers, family or self-induced because of the fear and assumptions of what others may be thinking. (While there are some tragic stories out there where parents have responded badly to news that their child is anything but straight — just as often, if not more so, parents do come through for their children and respond as a loving parent should. In such cases, the fear and concern of the child who has yet to “come out of the closet” is proven to be unfounded but no less genuine and worrisome at the time. I know; I worried about how my own parents would receive the news, choosing not reveal my true nature until I was about 26-years old and living 500 miles away from them.)

Understand that this is one reason why “some” LGBTQ persons turn to drugs and alcohol, or even unhealthy sex addictions. Some do so in order to distance themselves from the pain, self-loathing and the worry; from the judgment and hurtful comments by others… There is a very real, increased risk of suicide amongst the younger generations within the LGBTQ community. No person wishes to be alone in life and the vast majority of children and young adults, regardless of what they might say, truly only want the love and respect of their families. Most children do not intentionally set about trying to embarrass or disappoint their mothers and fathers and nobody wants to feel he or she is “less than” anyone else, especially when being so seemingly comes as a consequence of something he or she never felt they’d any control over.

Many [people] have asked me over the years, “How do you even know you are gay if you’ve never been with a girl or a woman?” They either did not understand or were simply unwilling to acknowledge that it’s not a thing you generally develop through experimentation… Certainly there are many young men and women who may experiment as they go through puberty but for the most part, it just isn’t the same thing as trying some new exotic food for the first time. It’s in your nature; something you feel “at home with” — as if, for you, this is just the most natural thing in the world. It’s a part of what defines you as who and what you really are. It isn’t all that defines you but it is certainly a very real and finite part of what makes you, “uniquely you.”

Can I appreciate the beauty of a good-looking woman? Yes, but that’s pretty much it for me. The sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world can’t fill the void that the love of a good man I care deeply about will fill. The sexiest, most alluring woman in the world isn’t going to give me “wood” like a beefcake with abs, great legs and a handsome, masculine face. In point of fact, the idea of sexual relations with a woman is about as (pardon my saying so) as much of a turnoff for me as it would be for a straight man to think about having sex with another man.

Anyway, I ask you to watch the video and give some serious consideration to what this mother and father are trying to tell you. They aren’t trying to say that being gay is any better or worse; only that they regret responding to their son as they [originally] did and had they known better at the time, they would have handled matters much differently. (As for the video itself, it was originally made accessible from “Gay Voices” on the HUFFPOST website).

Namaste,
Michael

Just Because He Breathes — Official website and blog by Linda Robertson.

I’m so stoked right now because I received an email from Linda Robertson (Ryan’s mother) in response to this blog entry. I won’t share the details of the message because it would just seem as though I were patting myself on the back, which is silly because there are plenty of things I’ve written in the past that would open me up to much criticism. (Yeah, I know… I go on rants too much. Politics just gets under my skin and so much of what we endure in this world is the direct consequence of politics and nasty people. Linda clearly didn’t read any of the other entries, besides this one here — or perhaps she’s just very forgiving of other’s failings, and God knows I have many! LOL)

Anyway, I just wanted to share this news with anyone reading the article. Linda is truly a kind and precious person; so too [obviously] is her husband. Their family was deeply affected by the loss of Ryan and they’ve done a wonderful job of reflecting on how they might have reacted differently. His loss was senseless, in that the family was healing and coming back together when he, in a weak moment gave in to the addiction he’d come back from (no judgment there from me). My heart truly goes out to this family and I am very appreciative for the fact that Linda and her husband are reaching out to others in an effort to make it easier for LGBT youth to come out to and be accepted more fully by their families.

Thank you, Linda for your very kind and uplifting email.

   — Michael

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The Loss of a Loved Pet

02 Nov

Today’s entry is written with two very close friends of mine in mind. They are [sadly] going through a difficult time as they witness what seemingly is the final act of their fur-baby’s life. (Hercules has always been such a SWEET canine companion, as was his best buddy “Okie” when he too was alive and well. Okie was a friend to one of my own fur-babies, Cassie, when she was alive and we lived next door to Mayra.)

Cassie was my rock for 16-years and a week; in all honesty, it was the thought of what might [have] happened to her that kept me from taking my own life one evening during the summer of 1999. (I’ve struggled with varying degrees of depression, usually rooted in “bad relationships” during a fair part of my adult life — and this particular time of my life was what I can only describe as the darkest period of this man’s journey here on earth. Fortunately, I’ve seemingly broken that pattern and now live my own life “happily single.” Less of a damn hassle! LOL)

Anyway, when I had to make the decision to have my fur-baby euthanized on July 14th, 2000, only one year later, it was the most difficult thing I’d ever experienced (before and since). Oh, certainly — I’ve had other pets and one in particular was very near and dear to me — but Cassie and I just clicked in a way that felt “so right.”

For many of us who have pets, they are not “just” pets; they’re like family.

They have their own personalities and a way of relating to us as most any other [close] family member might. They can be both aggravating as hell at times and loving, devoted and attentive when we most need them to be. They know, before we do ourselves what we need in order to get through a difficult day — and if we can’t find the energy and motivation to smile, they’ll be right there by our side to commiserate with us in their own way. (Of course, I’m talking about dogs mostly; cats usually just look at you as if to say, “Go ## yourself but before you do, put my damn food out on the floor so that I can eat, you dumb two-legged servant!)


Read the rest of this entry »

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Disingenuous People Online

11 Dec

Sorry, this is going to be a lengthy post…

Taylor is working (although I did speak to him just long enough to get my dose of “I TOLD you so!” earlier today)… You’ll understand in a moment but let me preface the tale simply by stating it is because of events such as what I’m about to describe which explain why my BF chooses to stay far, far away from social networking sites.

I’ve been down this road a couple of times before; the path where you make a “friend” and there are red flags that pop up to indicate things are not exactly as your new friend would have you believe.

I’m sure it has happened on MORE than a couple of occasions – but the two which gave me cause to be more than a little bit wary online? Let us say one involved a romantic interest; the other was somebody I’d developed strong feelings for as a FRIEND (only). In both instances, there was sufficient reason to doubt some of what I was being told but I “gave them the benefit of the doubt” BOTH times. Both times, the “online personas” unexpectedly and without warning were either “kidnapped” or died. Yes, you read that correctly; the Internet makes for some very strange bedfellows. In both situations, I believe that the profiles of the “individuals” I’d looked upon as a friend (or more) were simply fraudulent; a total fabrication of somebody’s imagination for whatever their own person reasons. I call such people “fakirs” because they anything but the real deal; they’re disingenuous at best, nefarious and evil at worst.

So fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me… fool me a THIRD time? Um, no…

Some on my friends list will immediately recognize what I’m about to talk about (because some of you have been on this fellow’s friends list as well.

There did not appear to be any untoward, illegal or immoral (for the most part) reasons for why this person came into our lives but the picture “Michael Johnson” (MJ) painted did raise some red flags on my part. I hate being the cynical, skeptical one amongst any group of people; I’d MUCH PREFER to look for the best in each person and give him or her the benefit of the doubt. However, when it appears people (friends especially) are being hurt because somebody is disingenuous … well, I have to take a leap of faith and stand on my principles.

I’ve questioned whether MJ was “real” for a while now (as have one or two other friends of mine here on FB). It all started with not being able to reconcile his occupation and age with the beautiful, custom home he supposedly had built and lived in. Photos of the home revealed little (if any) indication it was lived in. Rather, they appeared to be straight from a realtor’s website. The home sat upon MANY acres of land with a 1.8 mile driveway; it was obviously an expensive home – all paid for by a policeman’s salary? (That was his profession.)

I gave him the benefit of the doubt, never questioning publicly and even privately entertained the thought that some kind of family trust might have helped to pay for the home. Still, it weighed on me that there was never any photos that gave the home a “lived in” look. Ever!

Then came the question of the photos of he and Jon, never the two to be seen together and all basically the same pictures (though cropped to make them each appear to be subtly different).

There was the earlier photo of a [food] dish he’d prepared WHICH I DISCOVERED ON ANOTHER SITE. The photo had a caption in the lower-left corner which I’d questioned MJ about. His response was, “I don’t know; my brother, Marc took that photo and may have edited it to add the caption.” I work with Photoshop on a fairly regular basis; photography and graphics are a hobby of mine. This was simply a matter of “marking” a photo for somebody’s personal use and I quickly discovered the same photo MJ was claiming as a photo of a dish he’d just prepared on a cooking blog elsewhere on the net. Might be wise for others to know that there are apps available for your browser, which will allow you to look for “identical” or similar photos on the Internet located elsewhere on the Internet. I make use of these apps on a consistent basis when I suspect somebody is pulling my leg.

Even so, I decided the photo wasn’t that important and “let it ride.” (Starting to feel a little foolish right about now as I read this.)

Those who are familiar with MJ may remember he made a very big deal about people “attacking” him privately on FB and that he was continually having to block and/or unfriend them. It was also a big deal (to him) that if you weren’t actively engaging him in regular conversation you would be “unfriended.” I thought that rather odd as I have friends on my own “friends list” with whom I relate to very seldom. Is it all that important to me that everybody pay attention to me, lest I delete them? No, it isn’t. I know that the world does not revolve around me; I don’t expect others to treat me as though it does. ROFL!!!

Were I to go back and relive the journey with MJ, I’m certain I could probably describe any number of other “red flags” that were raised along the way but…

Remember how I’d said that every “fakir” I’d ever run across met with an untimely demise of some sort? It was [seemingly] his or her way of making a quick exit, leaving all of his or her friends in the dark and wondering what the hell just happened.

There was NO warning but on Wednesday of last week, MJ posted a status to inform all of his “friends” that we should not be surprised by his impending absence. He’d apparently just had some tests done to explain/diagnose why he’d been unable to gain weight and they had just found a tumor on his heart and several other tumors amongst his other organs, save the lungs and that he would be going in for open-heart surgery the following day. (Sound familiar? My red flags were now turning CRIMSON in my mind.)

Another “friend” of his (Scott) is to post on MJ’s behalf while he is in the hospital. This is how we discover that following MJ’s “open heart surgery” – not one, but two masses were removed from his heart and he has now gone into a coma.

We’re told MJ has instructed his family and the love of his life (“Jon”) that he doesn’t wish to be kept on life support for longer than a week. That said, all of the labs which have supposedly been taken are in his favor. He simply hasn’t woken up yet. His mother, a doctor presumably (sorry, I’m having a hard time buying ANY of this at this point) eventually posts on his behalf, a heart-wrenching story of how Michael is “sitting under a tree on the green grass sipping his diet coke. He’s viewing two paths. One being the path to return back home to his loved ones. The other path being the walk up to heaven and becoming an Angel.”

She continues on, “I keep telling my son that it’s OK with his family to pick any path he decides to go on. Knowing he has brought so much love, joy and much happiness to our lives. Told him if he decided to go on and become an Angel that we could ask for no better as in our hearts we know he’s well qualified to become one.”

It’s a wonderfully ‘accepting’ rendition of how a mother might let go of her son, don’t you think? Even so, it seems (to me) a bit unusual for such words to come from the mouth of a mother, to her son when he has only been in a coma for three days. Especially, given that his tests have not shown any sign of serious damage to the brain. My God, I’d like to think my loved ones wouldn’t be so calm about pulling the plug on MY life so easily, EVEN if it were my intention that they do so. Just saying.

How can I be so callous and presume that all of this has been a ruse? First off, I’ve struggled with this a lot over the past several days. It is part of why I had such a difficult time walking the labyrinth the other evening. This hasn’t been an “easy” conclusion to reach (that it’s all a load of b.s.) by any means. So I decided to check on a couple of things that I “could” verify through some calls.

I sent an email to Officer Mark Fulghum (media relations) with the Tacoma Police Department(TPD) a couple of days ago, expressing my appreciation for their services and my condolences for what “Sergeant Michael Johnson” and his family were presently being faced with. I went into some detail to describe how I knew this person and what his health “situation” was, including a brief reference to the surgery and coma he was presently in. That [email] was followed up with a telephone call to Officer Fulghum to inquire about Officer Johnson. His response was enlightening, though not (by now) all that surprising when he said that they do in fact have a Michael Johnson on the force but he is neither a sergeant, nor is he having any health difficulties for which he was undergoing surgery.

I asked if perhaps this might be “another officer” with the TPD who is undergoing surgery for this sort of situation, to which he replied, “We have no officers which are presently experiencing anything remotely similar to what you have described here. I’m afraid you and your friends have been taken advantage of, for whatever his or her reasons, by a fraudulent identity of some sort.” …and I thanked him for his time and said, “Yes, I was afraid that might well be the case.”

Then I see the post by Scott on MJ’s wall informing all of Michael’s friends that his condition has deteriorated; that he is being moved downstairs to a private room and his family is being informed of what to expect and that they will need to make a decision soon. Seeing the investment of emotions from friends of MJ’s in what now seems “overwhelmingly” to be the actions of somebody who has been pretending to be someone he is not, I made a comment on Scott’s post intended to make him think twice about dragging this out (I suspect Scott has been in on this from the start, and believe he ‘may’ well be one and the same as the person posting as Michael Johnson).

Why do I believe this? Because Scott messaged me immediately upon posting the comment that “there is more to this than is being told here”, demanding that I remove it (the comment). After telling him about the conversation I’d had with Officer Fulghum and the number he could be reached at, Scott did take an attitude and simply retorted, “This conversation is over!!!!!”

Within thirty seconds of the conversation, I’d been unfriended by the man in a coma and blocked… Approximately five or ten minutes later, MJ’s facebook profile was deactivated. Now, you tell me; just how do you explain the “timing” of such events unless Scott and MJ are one and the same? (By the way, it appears that both profiles have since been deactivated.)

Were there ANY doubt in my mind that this “could be explained”, I would not have raised the concern that I had. However, people were genuinely concerned, emotionally invested and CLEARLY were going to be hurt when this ruse played out to its final end. I’m just sad that it had to happen at all and I STILL do not understand why people go to all of the trouble to create fake online personas.

Ugh!

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Regrets, I have [at least] One…

12 Nov

It isn’t often I talk about Rodney these days because I’m seeing somebody else. However, in many ways Rodney is the one who got away.

That isn’t intended to diminish what I feel for the young man I’m involved with today (he knows all about my past; the good, the bad and the very, very ugly) but Rodney made a big impact on my life. More importantly, he made me feel special. He was kind and gentle, strong and stable, romantic and filled with passion… He was also gorgeous.

I was 24 when I began dating the man, four years older than I.

He was the more mature of the both of us and made my 25th birthday the most memorable of ALL birthdays, before and since. (I’ll explain) He told me I needed to dress for the occasion; that he would pick me up for a surprise night out and that anything less than “black tie” would be unacceptable. My surprise destination was a HUGELY romantic, upper-class restaurant that catered primarily to couples only (true, all of the other couples were seemingly straight — but it was the gesture and thought that most affected me).


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