As I watched the video and listened to the music it struck me…

The lyrics matched precisely how I (and probably so many others who’ve attempted suicide) felt during the summer of 1999 and one other time in more recent years when I began a process of taking my own life.

(Obviously, I didn’t go through with it either time or I wouldn’t be here writing this. Things are fine; I’m fine… I’ve long since recognized that you can’t have happiness without a little shit falling into your life as well. After all, how would you be able to appreciate the former without having experienced some of the latter? LOL)

Anyway, there are two reasons for my writing this today. One, we need to put more effort into preaching acceptance and tolerance and teach our children that real life isn’t a game. It isn’t like Nintendo, X-box or PS3 where you can press “reset” and everybody comes back to life and the game begins again. Bullying has REAL consequences, sometimes sending the victims to the edge and over such that they take their lives – and once that happens there is nothing that can be done to bring them back.

The second message relates to those who have already given up and are talking about ending it all. It’s so difficult to know when somebody is seriously considering suicide, which is why we have to treat all suggestions of such as “real.” If somebody you know is talking about ending his or her own life, don’t tell them it’s a stupid thing to do. (Yes, it is irrational because it’s a permanent solution to what is usually only a temporary problem but saying that what they’re contemplating is stupid isn’t going to help. All that does is make them feel that much worse, giving him or her “one more reason to throw in the towel.”) No, be patient and try to get that person to speak with somebody who is qualified/trained to talk to him or her about the feelings he/she is experiencing. There are usually MANY MORE reasons for why they’re thinking about taking their life than simply one reason alone. The feelings of loneliness or isolation have been building up over a long period of time and it’s likely that while “one thing” may have sent the individual over the edge – it isn’t as easy as just addressing that one issue.

They’re going to have to retrace some of the many steps that got them to this point, recognizing that some or many of their reasons for feeling as they do have already improved and do not hold the weight they previously did (in their minds’ eye). To turn a phrase, it’s funny how the past seems so much more than it really is “in our minds.” It takes time but when you honestly do the math, what may have once seemed like such a big deal because you were judging the situation in combination with everything else that was going on in your life at that time — really isn’t when you judge the event on its own merits.

I believe that is the key to overcoming these temporary setbacks. One has to take the time to measure each and every “reason he or she feels may have led him (or her) to the brink of giving up” on its own real merit. With the help of someone trained to walk them through such a process, they’re more likely to see that in time it really does get better.

Bullying and suicide so often go hand in hand.

Take the time to address the former with each person in your life who shows signs of being a bully and as well, yourself if you are unfairly judging others and treating them as lesser human beings just because you perceive them as being different from yourself. (The world would be a very boring place without its many different colors!)

As regards suicide, if somebody is talking about taking his or her life (even in a joking fashion), you can rest assured that person is seriously considering taking his or her own life — and once they “quit talking” that is when you really need to be concerned. Those who are suicidal usually progress through many different stages; it isn’t always the case but it’s when they’ve experienced the pinnacle of whatever it takes to push them over the edge that they’re likely to quit talking about it and simply start preparing for the day when they finally will make the attempt to free themselves of the pain they’re feeling by ending their life. So many of those around them will see only what they want to see; that their friend is not talking about suicide any longer so he or she must be doing better. Often times, the very opposite is true.

It’s sad but with all of the benefits of higher-reasoning, it is the human race that can be the cruelest species upon the earth. That said we can also be the kindest when we really put our minds and hearts into it.

Which will you be?

Namaste,
Michael

Ahem, I’ve heard that crap before and you’re welcome to believe it if you like but as far as I’m concerned, such a statement IS ONLY a very weak attempt to justify one’s unwillingness to settle down and commit to one person. It really is total crap!

Furthermore, for those who “might” be thinking of saying something like, “We’re gay; we don’t need to emulate the actions of the straight community by settling down, getting married, etc.” — I have but this to say… It’s not about taking on the behavior of our straight counterparts — it’s about respecting yourself and your partner enough so that you’d be willing to reign in your cock long enough to actually put your relationship (and the interests of your partner) ahead of selfish and brief sexual encounters. Often times, the blatant whore of the day will say anything necessary to set the trap that snares his/her soon-to-be partner (who doesn’t realize until it’s too late that “mister right” was “OH-SO-WRONG” for him!) This is precisely why I tell all of my young friends that communication is key AND AS WELL, that when your boyfriend presents colors that are anything but what you’d like to see on him – believe what you see rather than talking yourself into the old scenario of “oh, it was only a onetime thing” or “I’m overreacting.”

The bottom line

Don’t give me this crap about “humans being sexual creatures” as an excuse for bad behavior.

We’re a species with higher-reasoning skills which should account for something. It’s only that our world has become so forgiving of the “I don’t give a shit about anyone but myself” attitude, that we’ve gone to hell in a hand-basket. While the past wasn’t perfect (certainly, women weren’t as well-respected as they should have been), there’s something to be said about having a bit of respect for yourself and for others, such that you’d be willing to recognize when you’re being selfish, petty and just plain uncaring.

I’m certain there are those who think I’m being completely unreasonable and perhaps a little disrespectful to those whose relationships are open (polyamorous). No, I’m really not trying to put everybody into the same mold. I’m simply tired of people justifying their disrespectful, unfaithful and relentlessly selfish attitudes by pretending they’ve no more self-control than a dog in heat.

Gay or straight, you are better than that.

— Michael

Would I knowingly choose to be “positive” if at the time of my exposure, I’d realized what was about to happen?

No… However, it is what it is and I refuse to let my disease define my life or delineate whether I’m happy or otherwise. Being positive means that there are some things I have to deal with that others (who are negative) don’t have to concern themselves with so much, but… Everybody has their own set of crosses to bear in their lives (meaning we all have our fair share of shit to live and cope with on a daily basis). It is how you respond to your circumstances and what you learn from the journey that matters the most; not the journey itself. I’m not trying to say you don’t have a right to feel “blah” about what is going on; we all experience those feelings from time to time. I just warn you not to give yourself over to those feelings entirely and consistently, such that they pervade your every thought and action for the rest of your days. Life is short under the best of circumstances. Add to the equation, HIV or any number of other diseases that affect our immune system, organs, overall health and/or attitudes and sometimes the journey is even shorter. (Attitude DOES play a large role in one’s life expectancy I believe.) So I challenge you to take the hand you have been dealt and run the table for all it is worth — for even under the most trying of circumstances, Life can STILL be worth the effort. (But you have to first convince — or rather, RECOGNIZE — that the rewards are there for your enjoyment still.)

Or you can choose to entertain yourself with a pity-party of your own making. Only thing is, there are few (if any) who will want to join you in such a celebration. It’s all up to you!

Top 10 most common signs your man is cheating on you.

A blogger asks “What is cheating?”

I would ordinarily go directly to the comments on his site and read those before throwing in my own two cents. However, this time will be different. (What follows is my own read on “cheating.”)

Ask anyone and you will get a number of different responses regarding the definition of cheating I suspect — and each one of those responses may be appropriate for the particular person who is commenting. However, it really boils down to what the couple involved have agreed upon. Some couples are so strong in their relationship that neither feels threatened by the idea of their spouse talking to somebody online. That’s the way it should be if your relationship is healthy. If it isn’t then you need to work on the relationship! Make it strong and keep the INTEREST alive for the both of you (then the odds are in your favor that there won’t be anyone elsewhere who could come close to presenting a real threat to your relationship’s continued good health and existence).

But just as plants in a garden require tender loving care and nourishment, so too does your relationship. Deny its needs and ignore it and it will die on the vine. Or to paraphrase, those fruits will start looking for another clay pot to take root within (pardon the pun).

The jealous couple is likely to see online flirtations as cheating. Personally speaking, if you’re sharing information with a stranger online that you SHOULD be sharing with your partner in order to keep your own relationship alive and healthy – it well “could be” considered cheating. (At the very least, you’re not doing your relationship any favors.)

Cheating isn’t always about the physical act of sex; it is about getting your needs met with another person when doing so is clearly not something your own partner would agree to if he or she knew about it.

Some couples have open or polyamorous relationships. I myself believe such relationships are a load of crap and are only demonstrative of an individuals inability or unwillingness to commit and settle down with one person but who am I to judge. (Clearly, I’m not relationship-material for a guy who wants to be in an open relationship! {laughs raucously}… I’ve just never understood the phenomena of sharing one’s body with anyone but the person he or she loves but hey, if it works for you and you’ve both agreed to the terms, then all the more power to you. Odds are you will both have agreed to what “is acceptable” and what is “out of bounds.” Anything you do that is out of bounds is clearly cheating as it’s a betrayal of the trust your partner placed in you.

Am I dead [yet]?

Just “looking” at a cute guy or girl isn’t, in my book, cheating. Hell, we’re all human and we’re not dead so enjoy the scenery if something beautiful happens to stride by. Just remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence and if you value the relationship you have with your partner you’ll damn well make certain he (or she) knows that you really don’t have any interest in anyone but your special beau/boo/pumpkin/sunshine; the one who holds your heart (even if you were admiring somebody’s physical attractiveness from afar).

For those who are always flirting with the strangers outside of the relationship, who can’t seem to give equal time to flirt with their own partner … enjoy your “taken” status while it lasts (because it won’t [last] forever).

Everyone enjoys feeling desired and if you’re too busy giving the compliments and adoration to TOTAL STRANGERS at the expense of somebody whose giving you the milk for free at home, expect the cow (TERRIBLE metaphor – sorry!) to eventually wander into somebody else’s pasture. (And a word of advice to “Bessie” as well; polish your damn bell every now and again. If you can’t take a little pride in dressing up for your own bull on occasion then don’t act so surprised when he takes a walk on the wild side to visit the dell in the next town over.)

Achieving “relationship” status doesn’t mean you needn’t worry about the pursuit of your intended any longer; that you can let yourself go and just idle off into the sunset. If you believe that then you might just as well prepare yourself for disappointment because cheating, in some form or fashion, is something you’re likely going to have to deal with at some future point in time.

Cheating is any betrayal of the agreed upon terms and voiced expectations that each of you has of the other in your own relationship (thus the need for communication). You each need to talk to one another honestly and openly in order to agree on those expectations. Also, don’t just tell your partner what you think he or she wants to hear in order to keep the peace. You need to be forthcoming about the real boundaries by which you will measure your own happiness in the relationship. (If you aren’t then you’re only leaving the door open for some stray dog to come wandering in to eat the Kibbles.)

And I’m guessing THAT wouldn’t make you very happy!

Namaste,
Michael

I’ve been saying the exact same thing for years and years (yes, I am that old). Our community can be one of the most hypocritical communities (as can any other group of oppressed peoples) one can point a finger at. We don’t like it when we’re discriminated against by persons of a straight persuasion and we (rightfully so) take offense when those who oppress us attempt to justify their prejudice and narrow-mindedness with religious beliefs… Yet so many who are LGBTQ do the exact same thing. How many times have I read comments targeting the older gays and lesbians that are derogatory; slams made against those who are heavy, not masculine (too effeminate) or in the case of lesbians, “TOO” butch/masculine?

I understand the comment made by “Dave From Canada” (at left) but disagree. The gay community isn’t something that has just come about. We’ve existed for many, many years. It’s true that some among us are just letting off a lot of bottled-up steam but that (just as those who use religion against us) is only an excuse for behavior that is unacceptable and unproductive.

How many times have I read on BreaktheIllusion, comments that make sweeping accusations against all persons who identify as Christian or have a belief in God (or some similar higher power)? OFTEN!

Not all persons of faith are “against us” [LGBTQ community]. Many are very accepting, as they’ve been motivated to question what they’ve been taught over the years or have discovered firsthand just how unfair the labeling of “queer persons” might be because family members of their own have since come out to them. I’d like to say that a good many of those who embrace the personality traits of bitchiness and venom are simply “much younger” and haven’t yet grown up — but that isn’t true. Many of those who make bitchy, venomous comments are in fact grown adults and their acts of [consistently] trashing others only reveals (so very well) just how childish and immature they are, even at their age.

DW said it best when he said, “Everybody wants to change the world but no one wants to change themselves.” Change must ALWAYS begin at home. How can we expect others to give to us what we aren’t even willing to give to them?

Namaste,
Michael

For what it’s worth, none of us can be perfect and appropriate 100% of the time. We’ll all stumble and occasionally express ourselves in a way that is anything but just and mature (regardless of our age). The above comments are directed at those who make it a habit to behave like immature, bitchy queens — the kind of person who seemingly lives only to trash and degrade others.

This entry isn’t going to be a full-on rant but understand one thing… I will revise the entry each and every time I hear of yet another child or young adult whose suicide or death is somehow related to LGBTQ intolerance and bullying. It isn’t intended to be a depressing blog entry (though by its very nature it will be).

Rather, it is a reminder to any who read it of just how many senseless deaths are taking place in this one year (2012) alone as a consequence of prejudice and intolerance.

“God, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference.”

My heart is heavy and my prayers are with each and every one of these unique individuals. I will be praying for each soul whose earthly body was discarded as a consequence of the senseless hatred that exists and is openly demonstrated toward those who are, or are only perceived to be, different from their straight counterparts.

It is time that we put the needs of the bullied AHEAD of the so-called rights of those who justify their bullying by claiming that their interpretation of their faith allows and/or encourages THEM to judge another human being as “less than” on the basis of his or her sexual orientation. That was NOT the message of Jesus Christ and if some uber-conservative feels that it was, he (or she) is horribly mistaken.

Peace be with you,
Michael
 
[ This page/entry will be moved ahead of other entries as the statistics change and the need arises. ]

If you are aware of other LGBTQ youth or young adults who have taken their lives as a consequence of bullying, or were the subject of a hate crime that resulted in their death, please provide a response with their name in the comments section below so that I can research the matter and update the list here.

Most importantly, if you are a young teen struggling with depression and complex issues relating to bullying and/or family and friends who don’t seem to be supportive of you for being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, remember… Suicide is not the answer; it is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Your life is precious and you are perfect just as you are. Don’t allow the ignorance of others to make you feel as though you’re a lesser person. God created you in His image, perfect in every way (including your sexual orientation). If you are having problems seeing that for yourself and are having thoughts of suicide, please call:

The Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386.
You owe it to yourself to see just how wonderful your own life can one day be.

At what cost?

I consider myself a faithful person (so much so that some friends tend to question my intentions when I try to gently remind them that not all Christians are ass-hats whose sole purpose in life is to judge those of us who are gay for being gay).

However, I will be the first to say I am deeply suspicious of anything originating within the Catholic Church as regards homosexuality. While I recognize the RCC has done some good work over the years — its attitude, in general, toward all matters homosexual (and as well, regarding HIV/AIDS) has left much to be desired.

I recently “threw in the towel and ended a friendship” with somebody who is (by ‘his’ own definition) not gay but rather, “suffers from SSA” (same sex attraction). {rolls eyes} The friendship ended not because he is gay — that would be a stupid reason for I too am gay — but rather, because of his general attitude.

His is a journey he has chosen BECAUSE of his (and I imagine his family’s) strict interpretation of what the Catholic Church expects of its congregants who identify as being SSA (or homosexual/bisexual by any reasonable description of one’s sexuality). Not only does he come across as extremely judgmental and self-aggrandizing (both, traits that he and the Church have in common)… He cannot even concede that the intentions of homosexual advocacy groups — the majority of which share only one agenda, which is to encourage open dialogue, acceptance and tolerance of the LGBTQ community — are honorable and noteworthy. Because of his ongoing (and in my opinion, destructive) influence by the Catholic Church, he cannot even find worth in a group such as PFLAG.

There are a growing number of churches out there who DO embrace those of us who identify as LGBTQ; I just happen to question the Catholic Church’s motives and real intent anytime they pretend to be accepting of something they have so clearly stood against all these many years. But that is my opinion and to each their own. Just as I hold no grudges against [other] persons of faith, neither do I have any real grudge against those who consider themselves members in good standing of the Catholic Church.

One’s actions define his or her true worthiness and value as a human being; not necessarily his or her affiliation with any one group or organization.

Namaste,
Michael

True story, a coworker has a gay friend (actually, she collects us like she collects hand bags but that’s a whole nuther matter!) We’ll call this particular friend “Chuff” for the time being. Chuff makes it a habit of buying a sandwich for the same homeless guy in his neighborhood (he lives in or near downtown) on Friday of each week.

Mind you; not on a Monday, Tuesday, Saturday or even on Wednesday; Chuff turns good Samaritan each and every Friday, buying this fellow a sandwich.

For now we’ll just refer to the homeless guy as “Billy Bob.” Billy Bob KNOWS to be at the same place every Friday afternoon or early that evening but LAST week was a bit different. On Thursday, Billy Bob went out of his way to get Chuff’s attention as he was driving up to the building where he, Chuff, lives. Billy Bob waved down his benefactor who, feeling as though he was already doing his charitable duty, reminded the homeless man “it was Thursday and to please leave him alone.”

Billy Bob says, “Naw, I’m not looking for my sam’wich today… I jest had a question for you. I hear tell you’re a little bit funny! Is that true?”

Chuff, thinking about the question with an earnest but quizzical look on his face, responds, “What? Funny? Well, I guess I could be described as funny.” Billy Bob realizes Chuff doesn’t understand what he’s suggesting so he repeats himself. “No, I mean funny” (while wiggling his hand up and down in a sort of effeminate manner). This is when Chuff realizes the homeless man is asking him if he’s “gay.”

(I’m certain, at this point, Chuff is thinking, “Are we REALLY having this conversation?”)

Billy Bob goes on to say some of his pals and he had been talking and they had said Chuff was “funny” — to which Chuff just says, “So? What does it matter?”

Get ready for it!

This is where our homeless fellow decides he’s simply got too much in the way of sound family values going for him and he’s GOT TO take a stand! He says, “Well, we can’t hang out anymore if you’re ‘funny.’” (Hang out? Is THAT what they were doing? I thought that Chuff was only buying Billy Bob a sandwich, as he had been doing for many years now.) Seriously, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried!

Chuff (who’s now in a HUFF) is thinking, “What the hell?!” Why is the homeless community talking about MY sex life? Haven’t they got anything better to talk about or to be concerned with?

So there you have it, folks! Chuff, who NEVER asked for anything in return – who only acted out of the kindness of his heart, has now been officially snubbed by the homeless man with values, never to be allowed to slip a little salami to Billy Bob ever, EVER again! (Did you really think that I could resist saying that? Come on! LOL)

Reminds me of the old Rodney Dangerfield quote: “I get no respect!” Sorry but if it’s a contest between family values and a roof over my head, food on the table and silver in my pocket I’ll take the latter as opposed to the cardboard box every time, my friend (and I’d wager so would you).

But lest you think this changes my attitude toward the homeless; it doesn’t. I’ll still go out of my way to give a person a hand-up if and when I’m moved to do so (which is fairly regularly). Just because “Billy Bob” is a di** doesn’t mean they are all narrow-minded a$$hats. {wink-wink!}

Speaking of douche bags, have you heard? Rick Santorum decided to suspend his run for the presidency. There is hope for America yet!

And then we see him doing this?!

My mind has gone blank… (Well, actually it hasn’t. I just can’t repeat the thoughts that are going through it right now. At least not in polite company. ROFL!!) Yes, me thinker has gone over to the dark and pervy side for the moment. What can I say?

If you’d like to see more photos of Zac, check out D-Listed (and there’s an even more revealing look at Efron’s yummy assets here).

Source:  Zac Efron Touches Himself Down Under

Have you ever had a friend that, regardless of how long you’d been friends or how deep the friendship ran, you did always find yourself stepping gingerly around him or her in order to maintain the peace? (I suppose the first thing one should ask themselves is, “Is this person really a friend if I’m always having to watch what I say around him?”) The answer is likely to be “no.”

I make introductions to potential friends easily.

The attachment (or underlying friendship) takes longer to formulate. This is likely a product of my forty-nine years of life because, in time, a number of persons will let us down to some degree or another. Depending on how attached you are to the individual, your measure of disappointment or hurt is certain to fluctuate. Regardless, all acts of betrayal leave their mark and as such, you start making it a practice to take more time letting people in as a member of your “most cherished and trusted” circle of friends.

That is likely the case with most of us, for better or worse.