Archive for June 6th, 2017

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06 Jun

I haven’t written much on my blog in quite some time (and the news I have to share today is not really all that great).

Much has happened in the last few months. I turned fifty-four (54) on March 12th; Mom passed away the day after. I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt since her passing, feeling as though I really did not do nearly enough for her since Dad passed on February 15, 2005. Anyone following my life can see that I’ve been preoccupied with trying to find my happinesss since my late teens. I moved to Dallas, TX in December of 1984 because it was a larger city and I thought I might be able to lose myself and find the “man of my dreams” here. (I didn’t; I’ve always had shitty taste in men and every relationship I’ve ever been involved in has been… well, they’ve progressed from crappy to abhorrent over the years.)

I feel like a failure. I feel as though I’d have been much better off if I’d spent more time focused on making memories with my own family rather than “looking for happiness outside of that core group.”

And now both of my parents are gone; so too are my grandparents. Left are the brother I grew up with (Wayne) whom I love dearly and another brother (Jimmy). The sister I once had has passed on from liver disease (we did not even know she’d been given six months to live — and she made it four) and now I’m finding out that her oldest daughter is pregnant and due in December.

Oh, and I lost my job about 2-1/2 weeks after Mom passed away. Yeah, it’s been a pretty shitty few months and I’m depressed as hell, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

The depression has been severe enough at times that I’ve been suicidal … but I’m here.

What the future holds, however, is anybody’s guess. I suppose it goes without saying (it’s obvious to anyone listening to the news today) that our world is falling apart here in the U.S. We’ve nothing but a bunch of politicians who are self-serving, greedy assholes posturing and acting as if they’re the best thing since sliced bread. We’ve a douche bag sitting in the White House who is an embarrassment to anyone with half a brain.

I’m just not certain there is hope for this nation any longer …and the world I see around me is not the world I ever wanted to become a part of.