Did I make the wrong choice?

11 Feb

Cartoon of two salt shakers togetherOkay, so the title for this journal entry is misleading (because in truth, what I’m talking about … I didn’t “choose.”)

Many of those who have issues with homosexuality believe we made a “choice” to be gay. I’ve heard it a thousand times and to be perfectly honest, I don’t know how best to confront such (imo) misperceptions. My first reaction is always to ask if they “made a choice to be straight.” That question is usually met with a long pause, followed by, “Well, no, I’m just normal” (as if what I am is an aberration.) I’ll press the issue, asking if they could ever see themselves choosing to sleep with someone of the same sex. Every honest response is likely to be no but on occasion I’ll get the “yeah, if I wanted to!” (When given the latter response, I believe they’re either lying to me or to themselves. I’ve NEVER known a straight person who could get past the “ick factor” they usually feel about sex with someone of the same gender.)

So for me it isn’t a “choice” to be gay; it’s just what I am.

I grew up as part of a loving family with a mother, father and brother. We attended church most Sundays and on religious holidays. There wasn’t any abuse in the home, physical or otherwise. Dad was present and involved with us kids, as was Mom. Neither were overbearing but we didn’t lack for discipline if and when it was called for either.

I guess what I’m trying to explain is I don’t really believe my home-life, growing up, was any different than most other kids.

However, I knew from an early age (probably by the time I was twelve or 13-years-old) that I was different than most boys my age. I was attracted to the guys while they began to shows signs of an attraction for the girls. It wasn’t something I made a choice about; it just “was.” In fact, the ONLY choice I feel I’ve ever made regarding this was just deciding to accept my sexual orientation for what it is; normal/innate (for me).

There are many who argue homosexuality is simply a choice. Some use bisexuals as an example but I can’t relate to that because “bisexuality” doesn’t apply to me. I’ve NEVER been attracted to the opposite sex like straight men are and more importantly, I don’t believe I could ever “force” myself TO BE attracted to a female as I am to a male.

The thought of having sex with a woman doesn’t make me sick but neither does it make my heart race and my dick get hard (I couldn’t get an erection, thinking about a woman if my life depended upon it!)

What’s more, I don’t think a guy who is really “straight” could get an erection thinking about having sex with another guy. Meh! Sure, the “gay for pay” porn stars who identify as straight do but perhaps those “straight” men in the gay adult industry are, in truth “bisexual.” And in that case, under those circumstances I guess THEY are making a choice.

As for myself (being gay), I didn’t and do not believe I ever could make such a choice. The attraction [to women] just isn’t and never has been an option for me.

Sorry girls…



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About The Author

54-years old and determined to sail through life with a smile (but sometimes brash as hell). LOL. Born and raised in Carlsbad, New Mexico but having lived more than half of my life in Texas. Raised with a strong faith in God but describe myself more as simply a faithful person rather than a Christian. (Too many people rely on their religious 'beliefs' as an excuse to maintain a closed mind rather than emulate the loving nature I believe Jesus Christ did represent.) Registered as a Democrat but fiscally I'm probably more likely to identify with the Republicans. Am equally disgusted with both parties at the moment and tired of the status quo in Washington, D.C. I'm a spiritualist who believes you should reach for your dreams and believes you can attain them, for the only thing that really stands between you and your goals ... is yourself. Favorite quote of recent is "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, the present is a 'present' (a gift)..." —Author unknown

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  1. Gordon W. Watts

    February 11, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    As you recall from your interactions with me on the Topix message board, I think you’re both rude and somewhat nutty (and you probably think similarly of me).

    However, I feel it is only right for me (one of those right-wing conservatives) to defend you on one point where you are almost 100% right:

    YOU ARE RIGHT: You are (more or less) ‘born gay’: Studies show that identical twins (even those *not* raised together) are VERY similar in many ways -including orientation, that is, preference of sexual partner.

    And, I admit that in some cases, a person can try ‘real hard’ (no pun intended) to “be straight” and not succeed. (In fact, I know one friend who was gay and tried to be straight, even marrying **AND** having a son, but he couldn’t find feelings for his wife in that way). (Indeed – I know of no gay person who ‘chose’ to be gay: They would not subject themselves to ridicule I am sure.)

    While I did not research this specifically in college, my double major of biological and chemical sciences with honors from The Florida State University*did* allow me to be able to read the scientific research and understand this fact.

    That being said, I respectfully dissent with you that orientation is 100% inborn: A few cases have been reported where people have gone:

    * from straight to gay (basketball star, Sheryl Swoopes, comes to mind).

    * from gay to straight (many examples of this flip abound: And while some -even many -might be lying or lying to themselves, it is not reasonable to assume ALL are lying).

    (This would imply that orientation can be somewhat environmentally influenced.)

    While I get along with most gays (neither I nor my gay friends are generally prejudiced are hateful), I am quite sure you will not like to hear from me -you seem to have some attitude.

    However, the needs of the many (readers to your blog -and your *own* life’s *needs* -not wants) outweigh the needs -or wants -of the few -or the one (attitude of anger you seem to have), so, in the greater good, I will make a rare exception and post something that may (or may not) be welcome.

    Of course, this is your blog: You can delete it if you want -but I would trust that you don’t do that -but, that if you disagree, you might make your case why you disagree and not just rant and rave.

    I have given all the personal advice on how to beat cancer in the Topix message boards -and with the disclaimer that I am not a doctor or lawyer, etc., so I will not repeat myself here:

    –only I wish you the best of luck and blessings.
    * –Gordon Wayne Watts -LAKELAND

    • MichaelM

      February 11, 2010 at 11:00 pm

      I’ve approved your comment to demonstrate for you that I’m not “afraid” of you (as suggested over on Topix) —that’s laughable, by the way. LOL

      What you should understand is that I don’t trust that you are the person that you’ve presented yourself to be. I don’t trust that your websites are “virus free” and I don’t trust you have any level of integrity.

      I feel that I’ve observed plenty over on Topix to support the latter, btw.

      IF YOUR SITES ARE set up to infect visitors with computer viruses (which I believe to be the case), why would I want to visit them?

      I have made the conscious decision, unfounded or otherwise not to waste my time reloading software on my computer because some asshat is intentionally trying to make trouble for myself and for others (including my friends).

      As regards your comments about being born gay, etc. — point made and I can pretty much agree with those.

      As regards the comments you made over on Topix with regard to cancer and living one’s life as a vegan, you didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. (Again, your continued attacks over there are doing nothing but making you look like the real asshole that you are, and you’re only pissing off people over there as well.)

      But hey, it’s a free world and the Internet is an open forum.

      You’re free to visit wherever you like, just don’t think for a moment I’m going to allow you to run with your lies over here on this site. That said, I’ll leave your comment up and allow others to reach their own conclusions with regard to you. Who knows, maybe you are contributing from a real desire to help. (I just don’t happen to buy it is all.

      I think you’re a nutcase and a liar (but I could be wrong — stranger things have happened).

      Good day,

      P.S. Gordon, I disabled the link to your website mentioned above so that others would not click on it without first taking the time to read my warning to them. HOWEVER, if they still wish to visit your site I’ll provide the link you gave now (