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About Me

michael_2000

This photo isn’t recent but I like it. The photo was taken circa 1997, back when I was less heavy and eighteen years younger.

I’m a cancer survivor (diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in late 2005 but now in remission); turned fifty-three this year, am single and HIV positive … oh, and I’m gay.

I understand most people are hesitant to date (much less get involved with in a long-term relationship) someone who is HIV-positive and that’s quite alright with me. You see, I’ve been in their shoes. I wasn’t always HIV-positive; when I was DDF, I pretty much felt the same way “So who am I to judge?” What I will say is that it was unfortunate I allowed my fears to get in the way back then because I missed out on getting to know one or two wonderful people much better as a consequence. That was my loss and now (perhaps only because I’m on the other side, looking in) I see the folly of that attitude. I’ve observed friends who have been together for many years; couples who don’t share the same status (one is HIV-positive, the other is not) and they’re still going strong, able to show their love for one another in ways that protect the [health] status of the both of them … so, for me, it doesn’t matter anymore if my partner is negative or positive, but…

What does matter is how my partner feels. If he isn’t fully comfortable with my status then it’s simply not going to work out between the two of us, regardless of how much we might care about and love one another.   …and honestly, I’d rather know that going in, before too much time and emotion have been invested that would result in a lot of heartbreak a year or more down the road. However, it’s often difficult to really know how a person will feel until he’s fully in the midst of the situation so sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.

You might ask why I am so up front about my age and health issues or why I’m willing to voice an opinion that may not gain me favor among some in the gay community — and certainly doesn’t endear me to those who would prefer we [LGBTQ persons] just go back into the closet and pretend we don’t exist.

In my mind it’s really quite simple; I value honesty in a person above all other things and as such I feel obligated to be as honest as I can myself.

(That doesn’t mean that I sometimes don’t act like a total dick. I’m only human, with all of the shortcomings that any man might have — including an ego and perhaps a bit of prejudice from time to time when I’m not truly taking all factors into account. We all do that now and again. Anyone who claims differently is probably not being honest with him- or herself.)

And part of my willingness to be open is because I don’t want friends or readers of mine making some of the same mistakes I’ve made during my own lifetime. People should feel comfortable asking questions without fear of being judged or hesitating because they’re uncertain and are thinking the question might come across as offensive. (I’m not saying that you shouldn’t use a little discretion and think about what you’re asking, but if the intent is not to hurt my feelings and you’re truly curious about something then please — ask.

Sometimes it’s the process of discussing uncomfortable topics that raise our awareness the most; the “little nuggets of wisdom” we all might benefit from.

In closing, while my life is not yet ended I feel as though I’ve experienced much in the time I’ve been around. I’ve made plenty of mistakes (who of us hasn’t). Feel free to comment on any of my blogs or email; I always enjoy making new friends and getting to know people better.

Best and Blessings…

Namaste,
Michael

P.S. If you wish you are welcome to email me or visit me on facebook.

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  1. Keri

    January 29, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Enjoyed your blog. What year did you graduate? I was born and raised in Carlsbad until I was 14 (1977) when my father died suddenly and my mom moved us back to Texas, where both my parents were originally done.

     
    • MichaelM

      February 1, 2014 at 4:45 pm

      I graduated in 1982 from good ole’ CSHS up on the hill. 🙂 Was born in Carlsbad but we moved to California (Long Beach) for a few years, then back to New Mexico (Roswell) for a couple of years and [again] back to Carlsbad in 1969 or thereabouts. Lived there from that point on till I graduated and then in December of ’84 I moved myself to Dallas and have lived here ever since.

       
  2. Eddie Grim

    April 4, 2013 at 2:00 am

    Hey Michael, are you going to be returning to Facebook? I kind-of thought you’ve given it up for Lent but you still haven’t returned yet. Hope you return soon as I have really been missing your posts! 🙁

     
    • MichaelM

      April 9, 2013 at 9:50 pm

      Just sent you a private message via electronic mail, my friend. It explains much of what prompted me to deactivate my facebook account for now. I may return yet, just not today. Hugs! -Michael

       
  3. Steven in Dallas

    March 27, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    Thanks for your wonderful response on DW’s blog. It’s nice to know that there people out there who get it.

     
    • MichaelM

      March 28, 2010 at 12:21 am

      You’re very welcome, Steven. There’s definitely a lot in this world that I don’t understand but yeah, I’ve been in your shoes so I understand what you have gone through with your ex all too well.

      It is a shame that some people can’t be content with what they have at home. If their home life isn’t everything they want, then it’s up to them to be honest and up-front about their expectations and/or evolving desires, dreams and ambitions. Nobody (imo) should be sneaking around behind their partner’s back and then trying to justify their actions by trying to blame his or her partner when caught.

      Also, I’ve always hated the, “Well, we’ve grown apart” excuse; it’s lame and it’s b.s. Two people are inevitably going to grow and change over time and there’s a good chance they will disagree on many different things as their lives mature. That’s why it is imperative that the both of them keep the lines of communication open and remain open-minded enough to really sit down and listen to what each other has to say about where he or she is at and is feeling at any given point in time. Otherwise, the odds are that any differences that are surely to develop over time WILL seem insurmountable and bigger than they really might be, if and when they all come bubbling up to the surface all at once.

      But then, I’ve only dated since I left my ex in 2001 so perhaps I’m not the best person to be giving relationship advice. LOL!

      You know what they say, “Those who can’t, teach!” (or lecture). ROFL!! 😉 There are times I miss being in a relationship but I know I’m very set in my ways at this juncture in my life. (That isn’t saying I can’t be flexible; I can … I just have to have the right person come along who’ll make me feel it’s worth the effort to be as much. haha!)

      Namaste,
      Michael

       
  4. David

    March 25, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Found you through Davey’s blog. I randomly went to it today, and found something that spoke to me so loud. I’m entering the “opening” of our 12-year relationship, for my partner’s sake. I have not been myself since he confessed a month ago, He assures me of his love, but I’m still hurting because I am “not enough”. The thread and the reactions from people like you, sort of jumpstarted my hope. I love my partner very much. I hope someone like you can show me how to deal with this.

    All the best, Michael.

    David

     
    • MichaelM

      March 25, 2010 at 5:45 pm

      David, check your email (I just sent you something in response to your comment). It is clear that you aren’t on board with the idea of an open relationship with your partner. Don’t “settle”; if this isn’t what you want, don’t just go along with it for your partner’s sake. I confess that I don’t understand “open” relationships at all. I don’t judge those couples who are BOTH comfortable with such an arrangement but I know it wouldn’t work for me. ~Michael