Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

Breaking Out

26 Oct

Feeling all alone and forgotten...There are some parts of my life that I truly do not wish to relive. I don’t mind “talking about” them but I never want to physically feel the pain or emptiness I felt during those periods of my life ever again.

Experiencing some of what I’ve lived through has made me a stronger individual (there’s an old adage that goes, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger“) but I’m about as strong as I prefer to be at this late stage of my life. I’m not in [life] to win a competition, trophy or be looked up to by a lot of people; I’m in it to enjoy, make the most of and to learn from my mistakes so as to be a better person before I transition from this life into the next (life, back into Spirit or simply as food for the worms buried six feet below). I’ve written about my spiritual beliefs before so the latter comment should be read with a grain of salt and considered “sarcastic humor.”

What motivated me to write today’s blog entry is a dream I awoke from this morning.

I know many [people] believe dreams are simply the subconscious mind working out whatever you were thinking about as you dropped off to sleep, or what’s been on your mind most of recent. I don’t see how that applies here because I rarely allow this person to occupy much real estate in my thoughts. I say “not much” because he HAS had a big effect on my life as a consequence of the abuse I faced at his hands on a continuing basis during the six and a half years we were together.

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Dream Sequence

03 Jan

Dreams, resources of the soulWeirdest dreams last night! Not good ones like I usually have, but weird and/or frightening ones.

I remember dreaming I was trying to outrun a sudden wave of water that on hindsight, wasn’t that high and it was easy enough for me to get up on to higher ground (a rock and subsequently, small hill) to stay out of it.

It was the dream before that was really upsetting. I was trying to help this little girl to safety. Her body, arms and legs were wrapped around the branch of a tree and below her was this MASSIVE flood of water (yeah, water again – odd, I usually LOVE water). It was as if I was standing off to the side and this water was “the ocean.” I felt helpless and the girl was screaming for help.

All of a sudden the water began surging like a whirlpool and the tip of the branch of the tree was sucked down into the water right along with the girl and later, the entire tree.

Different Dream (same night):

I’m in some region like Africa or something, a member of the armed services. My team isn’t exactly working “with” me (we seem to be at odds). If anything, they’re doing everything they can to make my life a living hell and I’m just here to help these people.

They’re in a freaking tank hunting a large cat (I suppose it could have been a lioness, I don’t know – it didn’t have a main and it wasn’t black but white instead, and huge – definitely some kind of predator – and here is dingy me trying to give IT protection!) I see the cat and (very freaking carefully, cause I’m not certain what this cat is going to do) walk through the brush toward it so they won’t fire upon the helpless feline.

Again, with the protecting??? And I’m not even generally a cat person!

The cat welcomes my presence and sidles up next to me with it’s neck under my left armpit (BIG cat!) I’m trying to keep this damn cat calm so it won’t turn on me, hidden from my own team and looking for a way out of this place when I see a door in a wall across the field and off to the right. (Don’t ask; I’ve no idea why there would be a wall – it only gets weirder – trust me.)

The cat and I walk through the brush to the door, which appears to be unlocked so I open it only to find it’s the door to some kind of unlit apartment – and there’s a DOG inside.


Back out of the apartment (WITH the cat), close the door and there’s my team in that damn tank looking to fire upon the cat.

I woke up…

And none of this crap makes any sense to me, aside from the fact that in two of the three dreams I was trying to help someone or an animal in need. I’d like to know what the hell happened to my “sweet dreams about the cute guys in the grocery store!



What would you do?

31 Aug

Photo of Fall River California courtesy of ThundaFunda free online picturesDo you dream (and if you do, do you dream big)? I do… but my wants and desires have changed a lot over the years.

There was a time when I only dreamt of finding that one special person with whom I could spend the rest of my life. The guy of my dreams who could make everything else going on seem insignificant. Most of us have similar dreams up until we meet mister or miss right. I suppose too many failed relationships, along with the fact that I’ve grown older, grayer and (unfortunately) a bit wider in girth, have given me cause not to dwell on that dream so much anymore. *laughs*

If it happens, great but I’m not going to dwell on the matter (and neither should you).

I still have dreams; they’ve just evolved is all. I often talk to my brother and Mom about “what I would do if I ever won the lottery.” Oooh! Now I’d LOVE to live out that dream.

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Posted in Misc


Two reasons for doing what I do today

22 Feb

Silouette of childrenWe all have things, people, feelings, agendas; even values that are important to us. For instance, my nephew and niece mean the absolute world to me.

Though my fight to effect some change in this world began many years ago, it is often the thoughts of what my young niece and nephew (who exhibit all of the signs of being heterosexual as far as I see) will be left with one day that drives me further. They deserve better than what I feel my own generation, and those who came before us have had to contend with.

They’re teenagers now and I imagine their uncle Michael isn’t nearly as cool (to them) as he may have once seemed. Lord knows you cannot hold a teenagers interest for long these days, before their thoughts go to their friends or the time that they could be spending in front of an XBOX, Wii or Play Station. But they are my family and despite all the stubbornness they might have picked up as teens and being around their peers, they truly are two kids who (for me) embody what is best about this world. They’re kind, considerate, always quick to give their uncle a hug when he arrives and as he’s leaving and they never falter to tell me they love me as often as I tell them. They are good kids and my prayer and hope is that they will never stray from being such kind, loving and respectful people.
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Posted in Family


Michael goes to Washington (D.C.)

07 Feb

Cartoon, dreaming of Washington D.C.I’m prone to having VERY vivid dreams because of one of the prescription drugs I take each night and I mean, Vivid with a capital-V. That would be fine but just like everyone else in this world I never know what I’m about to dream about. While I’m rather thankful for the entertainment the dreams provide I am especially grateful that I seldom have nightmares.

..but yes, Michael is a big-time “Dreamer” – surprise, right?! lol

Where this morning’s dream came from, I’ve NO idea; I mean, I know what is behind one of the references made in the dream (thanks, Rose!) but what’s behind the rest of it still alludes me.
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The Tell of One’s Timer

19 May

When I was much younger I had dreams of falling in love with the one man who would totally “get” me; who would understand me as a clocksmith understands the intricate gears of a well-made timepiece. A man with whom I would finally be “one of two” – my little portion of the puzzle of life fitting perfectly within his own, never to be alone again. I dreamt that at the end of the day we’d each arrive home to fall into the others arms, intertwined in a tender moment which would make all of the difficulties of the day fade away. That in the depths of the dark night our passion for one another would burn bright, just as the sun above burns at midday. When I was much younger I dreamt I’d find the man of my dreams; the one who could well appreciate something as simple as the caress of my fingers against his cheeks, across the lids of his eyes and under his chin or even the feeling of my ring finger as it traced a path from the top of his spine downward, ending in a gentle embrace. I dreamt of a man with whom I could curl up with, spooning as if “for all eternity” in our own bed, whether the sky was alit with stars or burning with the heat of day, snuggling up close with the reassurance that despite all that was going on around us in the world that everything in that moment was just “right” – that nothing else mattered but the love which we felt for one another. I dreamt of the man whom I knew was dreaming about me.

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Dreams, Love, Passion and Friendship

12 Oct

Photo of Dalmatian puppies dreamingDreams are always welcome in my world (with the exception of that weird nightmare I had about a week or two ago—see earlier blog).

I got to bed rather late last night (1:30am) and thus was a bad fella this morning, sleeping in instead of attending church services. However, had I not done so I would not have had the opportunity to sit down to a nice dinner with one of my grandmothers (who passed away the summer of 1984) and with my Dad who died of cancer in February of 2005. Yes, obviously another dream—but it’s always nice to have yet another opportunity to experience the lives of those close to us, who have since passed on.

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Posted in Friends, Misc


Bad dreams—I Hate Bad Dreams

06 Oct

Cartoon of nightmare making a friendI’ve always had a wonderful imagination and have always considered that a blessing in my life. Not tonight, though. No, not tonight—I don’t consider it a blessing at all.

You see; because I’m HIV-positive and because my immune system did at one point become so compromised—my doc prescribed meds to help boost it back in late 2006 (same time I was diagnosed with the Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma). The two drugs I take are Epzicom and Sustiva. Sustiva has a (not so funny tonight) side-effect of putting my dreams into hyper drive. A good thing on most nights; not too much fun tonight though.

I just awoke from the weirdest damn dream I have EVER had and feel as though I must get up and write about it, to get it out of my system. For my writer friends out there—listen up because HERE is a wonderful idea for a story for you! I don’t even want credit. Just [please] don’t tell me if you write the story or manuscript because I won’t want to read it after this evening (as I keep looking back at the bed to make certain “nothing is waiting for me there—waiting to sneak up upon me as I sit here typing at the computer”).

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Posted in Misc


Addie, James …and a 3rd for A Lesson

01 Jun

Well, I didn’t make it to church this morning. Church made it ‘to me.’ I’m encouraged to write this blog as a result of a dream I had earlier this morning. I believe it’s worth exploring and writing about; I hope you will feel similarly if you bother to read the entry through to the end.

(I want to explain that while ‘parts’ of the blog come directly from the dream, other portions are simply the result of ‘thinking about’ what I had dreamt and finding further meaning through the process.)

As with all dreams, the specifics are quickly eluding me now that I’ve woken up.
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Posted in Misc


Ever feel like a number?

10 Feb

The following is just something I put up on an online service earlier this week (you know the kind— online dating). {groans} LOL!!! At any rate, this may give you a little more insight into the kind of guy I am – as well as what kind of guy might interest me when it comes to dating (or more)…

About Myself

What to say that’ll make you like me! How about if we just keep it real and if you like what you hear, great; if you don’t, you can simply move on, no hard feelings.

I’m not always the most courageous guy on the block but I have my values which I try hard to uphold. (And if anybody threatens someone I love or care deeply about, well, hell hath no fury… you get the picture.) I suppose my philosophy on objects is that while the material things in life are nice to have around – you can’t take them with you. I’ve made a lot of money and I’ve lost it all and basically, what I’ve learned is this. When my ticket is called the only thing that’ll matter is “how will I see myself when that day arrives?”
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